How Ted Met Robin Sparkles (Post-Slap Bet Version)
by Corrupt200
Summary: Taking the advice of a reviewer, I'm writing a second version of this story. Instead of telling the kids the story in the 2030s, Ted in 2006 tells Marshall, Lily, Barney, and Robin the story of how he met Robin Sparkles as a teenager in 1993, during a trip to Toronto. Ted is telling the story immediately after the events of the "Slap Bet" episode.
1. Chapter 1

How Ted Met Robin Sparkles (post Slap Bet version)

November, 2006. Living Room of Ted, Lily, and Marshall's apartment. Ted, Lily, Barney, and Marshall are watching, singing along, and dancing to Robin's "Let's Go to the Mall" video for the 634th time on the laptop. Robin sits on the couch with elbow on the armrest and her hand on her temple. Her eyes are rolling.

ALL (EXCEPT ROBIN): [dancing and singing] Everybody come and play, throw every last care away, let's go to the mall today…

LILY: [singing with the video]There's this boy I like, met him at the food court, he's got hair like Gretzky and he does jumps on his skateboard…

BARNEY: [Singing] Hope he asks me out, take me to my favourite spot, it'll be just him and me, but forget the robot…

TED: Dad says I'm young to date, but baby I don't wanna wait…let's do it!

MARSHALL: But that's okay I'm gonna rock your body anyway, I'm gonna rock your body 'til Canada day!

Ted face suddenly has a look of realization. His eyes widen and his jaw drops.

TED: [to himself] Oh…my…god!

ALL (EXCEPT TED AND ROBIN): Everybody come and play, throw every last care away, let's go to the mall, today…

Ted goes to laptop and clicks on stop button. The video stops.

BARNEY: Ted, what the hell?

MARSHALL: Come on, I wanted to hear the rap segment for the 634th time!

TED: I just realized something. This is not the first time I heard this song.

BARNEY: Of course not. This is the 634th time you heard this song!

TED: That's not what I mean.

LILY: What do you mean then, Ted?

TED: I have Robin Sparkles on CD!

LILY: No way!

TED: Give a minute, I'll show you! [runs to bedroom, returns 3 minutes later with a CD case with picture of Robin Sparkles on the cover, raising it in the air] Who wants to burn the songs on their iTunes?

BARNEY: [laughing] Awesome!

MARSHALL: I've gotta put this album on my iTunes!

LILY: How did you get hold of this album?

ROBIN: How did you, Ted? I never was able to break into the international charts, thank God! Did you buy it on Amazon?

TED: No, I didn't.

MARSHALL: [surfing the web] He couldn't have, it's out of print, even on the Canadian branch of amazon.

BARNEY: Don't tell me you went to Canada to buy the album! That's really lame, even for you to go to maple leaf country. [pauses] You didn't did you.

TED: I did go to Toronto in 1993. But I did not buy the CD.

LILY: Of course not. Your parents bought it for you.

TED: Nope, they didn't buy it either. And neither Heather nor I smuggled it across the border. It was a gift…from Robin herself. She gave it to me after we went on a date together, in 1993, in Canada.

MARSHALL: Bull!

BARNEY: That's the biggest whopper.

LILY: If this was my kindergarten class, I'd have either made you sit in the corner or sent you to the principal's office. Lying is wrong! The Bible said so!

ROBIN: Honestly, I don't remember meeting you in Toronto!

TED: Maybe because I had a Jewfro and glasses at the time. But we celebrated your 13th birthday in the back of your limo. That was the best part of my trip to Toronto that year. Even better than seeing the CN Tower.

BARNEY: Ooh Ted, you naughty devil you! With a celebrity? Wow! Tell me all the details! Don't leave anything out!

TED: Nothing like that happened! All you ever think about is sex!

ROBIN: Ted, I don't remember going on a date with you, and I'm Robin Sparkles! I'm sorry, it does not ring a bell.

TED: [holding CD] Fellows, please join Robin on the couch.

Lily and Marshall sit on the sofa next to Robin. Barney and Ted take opposite chairs.

TED: Fellows, let me tell you the story about how I met Robin Sparkles…

End of Act 1.


	2. Chapter 2

Flashback. Ted's childhood living room, Shaker Heights, Ohio, July 20, 1993.

Ted is sitting in front of a TV watching a rerun of "Family Ties." Several packed suitcases stand near the entrance of the house. Ted has his Jewfro and is wearing glasses, jeans, and a T-shirt.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: It was back in the summer of 1993 before my sophomore year of high school. I had finished my packing, so I was sitting on the couch and watching a rerun of "Family Ties".

2006 MARSHALL VOICEOVER: I loved that show when I was a kid.

2006 LILY VOICEOVER: Alex was so dreamy!

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: I was so in love with that Canadian shorty, when he was taller than me in the 80s. (Hey! We did get NBC broadcasting from Seattle!) Now I'm a foot taller than he. What an irony.

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: He showed the importance of suiting up! Oh and I so wanted to get it on with both the brunette sister and the blond sister. I also wanted Courteney Cox so bad.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: My favourite character was actually Elyse, since she was an architect, just like I wanted to be.

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: Of course your favorite character would be she of all people! But yeah, she was a MILF.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: Anyway, Dad was so mad that the Blue Jays won the series in 1992, and he wanted payback. There was a Blue Jay-Indians game in Toronto and he wanted to attend it.

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: Oh yeah, that was a great 2 years for TWO-ronto in the context of baseball. We whooped your asses! Go Blue Jays!

VIRGINIA: Kids, you all ready?

HEATHER: Yes, Mom.

TED: Yep.

VIRGINIA: Okay let's get going!

ALFRED: [heading toward door in Indians hat, shirt, and carrying an Indians pendant] Yep let's head out! Ted, please turn off that TV…Hey! That's my favorite show! That dad is hilarious! Anyways, it's a long drive to that shorty's native land.

TED: [clicking off TV] I still don't understand why we're going all the way to Toronto to watch a baseball game!

ALFRED: It's the Indians versus the Blue Jays! I think we have a good chance of beating them this year.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: We didn't. Toronto would go on to win the World Series for the second time in a row that fall against the Phillies.

TED: The Indians are not doing well this year, especially after that tragic accident with those two pitchers…

2006 TED VOICEOVER: Earlier that year, two pitchers, Steve Olin and Tim Crews, got killed in an alcohol-related boating accident in Florida. That meant a grim future for the team that year.

2006 MARSHALL VOICEOVER: Oh yeah, I remember when that happened. It was March of that year, right?

2006 LILY VOICEOVER: I remember that too. That was so tragic.

ALFRED: Come on, Ted. Don't be so negative. Anything could happen. Wouldn't it be fun to see the Blue Jays humiliated in their home country? What the hell is a Canadian team doing in the Major League anyway?

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: We were showing how Canada leads the world in other things besides just being north of the USA!

TED: I guess.

ALFRED: Also, we're gonna be international travelers! We're traveling to a foreign country!

TED: That's not a real country! That's our 51st state!

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: 51st state? You're worse than Barney!

ALFRED: Come on, it'll be fun! And you can explore the architecture of the CN Tower and their City Hall.

TED: Well, that's true. Anyway, I don't have much of a choice. Let's go.

[family leaves house with suitcases]

2006 TED VOICEOVER: And so began my first trip to your home and native land, Robin.

End of Act 2.


	3. Chapter 3

SkyDome (now known as Rogers Centre), Toronto. July 21, 1993.

Ted and Alfred are seated somewhere.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: So after we arrived in Toronto, the family and I went to a nice restaurant, then got a good night's sleep. The next afternoon, when Heather and Mom went to see a production of _Cats_, Dad and I went to the Rogers Centre (formerly known as the SkyDome) to see the Blue Jays versus the Indians.

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: That's a beautiful stadium. Much cleaner than Yankee or Shea Stadium.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: …and that's where I heard you sing for the first time, Robin.

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: She sang "Let's Go to the Mall" at a baseball game?

2006 TED VOICEOVER: Of course not! She sang the National Anthem!

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: The _Canadian_ National Anthem!

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: That's a great anthem! Don't talk trash about it!

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: Not as great as the "Star Spangled Banner"!

ALFRED: Not bad. Not bad seats all.

TED: Very clean and organized. The architecture is so fascinating! And the spectators are so polite!

ALFRED: But they're Blue Jays fans!

TED: Still they are!

ALFRED: Well, it's not hockey! That's when they go all rowdy. After all, that's the sport they invented!

TED: Um, Dad, basketball was also invented by a Canadian!

ALFRED: Whatever.

Concessionaire walks up aisle.

CONCESSIONAIRE: Hey, fellows, would yo like anything to eat or drink?

ALFRED: We'd both like a hot dog and a coke.

CONCESSIONAIRE: Sohrry, we are out of hot dogs. But we have poutine.

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: Mmm, I love poutine!

TED: What's that?

CONCESSIONAIRE: You're American, eh? It's French fries topped with a gravy and cheese curds. It's very good.

TED: I'll try it.

ALFRED: If I cannot get a hot dog, I won't have anything at all.

TED: Give me a coke and this poutine. [hands over money]

CONCESSIONAIRE: Here you go, sir.

TED: Thank you. [tastes poutine] Mmm, not bad! Dad, you should try this!

ALFRED: Poutine at a baseball game is not fancy. Hot dogs are!

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: Poutine at a baseball game! What a backwards ass country!

TED: Since you're here, you might as well try Canadian cuisine.

STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentleman, please rise for the singing of the "Star Spangled Banner" by Miss Jann Arden.

STADIUM ANNOUNCER: [in French] _Mesdames et Messieurs, s'il vous plaît augmentent pour le chant de "Star Spangled Banner" par Madamoiselle Jann Arden._

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: They speak French there too?

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: Remember my friend who married way too young? She had to do her vows in French as well as English!

2006 TED VOICEVER: Goddamn it! I'm the one who's telling the story!

Jann Arden approaches the center of the stadium and sings the "Star Spangled Banner".

2006 TED VOICEOVER: That was the worst botching of the national anthem we ever heard to this day.

JANN ARDEN: [out of key and out of tune]

_Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light_

_What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?_

_Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,_

_O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?_

_And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,_

_Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there._

_Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave_

_O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?_

ALFRED: God, that rendition was horrendous.

TED: Painful to my ears too! They should have gotten an American singer to sing that.

Ted and Alfred about about to sit down…

2006 TED VOICEOVER: Dad and I were about to sit down when..

STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentleman, please remain standing for the singing of "O Canada" by Miss Robin Sparkles. [in French] _Mesdames et messieurs, s'il vous plaît rester debout pour chanter "O Canada" par Madamoiselle Robin Sparkles._

Robin Sparkles is approaching the center of the stadium in her blonde wig, bedazzled jean jacket, blue denim skirt, and white sneaks. 2006 Ted talks as she walks to the microphone.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: And that was the first time I saw that beautiful tall teenage girl, with her blonde hair, bedazzled jean jacket, denim skit and white sneakers. She reminded me of Deborah Gibson in the 1980s. When she opened her mouth, I heard the most beautiful female singing voice ever.

ROBIN:

_O Canada! _

_Our home and native land! _

_True patriot love in all thy sons command. _

_With glowing hearts we see thee rise, _

_The True North strong and free! _

_From far and wide, _

_O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. _

_God keep our land glorious and free! _

_O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. _

_O Canada, we stand on guard for thee._

She sings it again in French

ROBIN:

_Ô Canada! _

_Terre de nos aïeux, _

_Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux! _

_Car ton bras sait porter l'épée, _

_Il sait porter la croix! _

_Ton histoire est une epopee_

_Des plus brillants exploits. _

_Et ta valeur, de foi trempée, _

_Protégera nos foyers et nos droits. _

_Protégera nos foyers et nos droits._

TED: My God, she's wonderful! [sighs]

2006 TED VOICEOVER: I must have heard the Canadian anthem multiple times on the internet or during _South Park_ episodes involving Terrence and Phillip, but that rendition is the one I hold to my heart to this day, even if it's not my country's anthem. My only debate is whether she sounded better in French or English.

2006 LILY VOICEVER: Aww, that's so sweet!

2006 BARNEY VOICEOVER: But it's the wrong anthem for the wrong country! USA! USA! USA!

2006 MARSHALL VOICEOVER: Hey, she's proud of her Canadian heritage, and it's a good anthem! So you also had to sing the Canadian anthem at sports events?

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: Of course! I was topping the Canadian music charts, so I had to do this too. And I tell you, singing the anthem was heaven on earth in contrast to singing the mall song. Plus, instead of Orange Juliuses and Wetzels Pretzels, I got sodas, hot dogs, and poutine.

End of Act 3.


	4. Chapter 4

July 21, 1993. Tim Horton's. 10:30 pm. Alfred and Ted are seated at a table eating sandwiches (not a euphemism this time). Alfred has his head down shaking his head. Ted is smiling and looking up at the ceiling in a daze.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: Like I expected, the Indians would lose to the Blue Jays.

2006 ROBIN VOICEOVER: TWO-RONTO! TWO-RONTO! TWO-RONTO!

2006 TED VOICEOVER: Dad and I were still hungry, so we went to eat at a nearby Tim Horton's.

ALFRED: I don't believe it.

TED: What did you expect? The Blue Jays won last year and they are doing very well this year again. They could go on to win the Series for the second time in a row.

2006 TED VOICEOVER: And they did.

ALFRED: Don't say that! The thought of a Canadian team winning the Series again! That's bullcrap!

TED: Say that a little louder, Dad! The locals couldn't hear you.

ALFRED: Also, what was the whole purpose of singing "O, Canada" at the game tonight? Wasn't the "Star Spangled Banner" enough? And they couldn't even sing that right!

TED: For God's sake Dad! We're in _their_ country. They're supposed to sing "O Canada". Speaking of anthems, the girl who sang it was beautiful with the voice of an angel. [sighs]

RADIO VOICEOVER: …and that was Loverboy with "Lovin' Every Minute Of It". Coming up next, she's the newest teen sensation to top the Canadian charts! Touted as the Debbie Gibson of Vancouver, here's Robin Sparkles with her debut single, "Let's Go To The Mall"! You're listening to 104.9, CKNV-FM, Toronto's #1 station for the 60s, 70s, 80s and today!

["Let's Go To the Mall" is playing on the radio]

ROBIN SPARKLES VOICEOVER: [singing] Let's go to the mall! Go! C'mon Jessica, C'mon Tori, let's go to the mall, you won't be sohrry...

TED: That song! It's so upbeat! Like something from 1987!

STRANGER AT ADJACENT TABLE: The 1980s didn't begin in this country until this year. You're from the States, aren't you, eh?

TED: Yes, from Cleveland. Her voice sounds beautiful. She really sings well. I've never heard any singer as good as her back in the US.

STRANGER: Her name is Robin Sparkles. She is almost 13 years old and she comes from Vancouver. Actually I just finished reading this magazine, and there is an article about her. You can have it. [hands Ted a magazine, which is similar to People magazine]

TED: [seeing Robin's face on the front cover] Hey! That's the girl who sang the Canadian anthem at the Indians-Blue Jays game tonight! She's wonderful!

STRANGER: Actually she's performing in Toronto this week. You should try to go and see her in concert during your stay here. You can keep the magazine, eh. It'll be a nice take-home souvenir. Also, have a donut! [Hands a donut to Ted]

TED: Actually I think I should. Maybe I could get her to autograph this magazine.

ALFRED: Ted, we still have a lot of sightseeing to do during the next several days. Maybe we could go to another ball game tomorrow!

TED: I've got to see this girl in concert! [looks at magazine cover] Robin…the most beautiful name in the world! [sigh]

2006 LILY VOICEOVER: Aww how cute, Ted had a celebrity crush!

2006 MARSHALL and BARNEY VOICEOVERS: [in unison] Mosby and Sparkles sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

End of Act 3.


End file.
